sometimes i wonder when is enough IS enough.

probably, i’ve taken too much of my heart for a ride. i always put safety belt on, never really learned that when a car crash it will always hurts.

probably, i’ve taken my heart for granted. thinking that it is strong, compassionate and loving, never really learned that this heart is not an angel.

disappointment after disappointment. it is all its really are. im a stupid fool. its is all what its all about.

enough, i think i’ll keep my heart in a safety box for now.

arrrggghhhhhhhhhh

gaaahhhhhhhhhh

hhhrrrkkkkkkkkkkkkk

pffffttttttttttt

hmyeehhhhhhhhhhhh

nyaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

I need to loose about 2-4 pounds.

And I need to get together for healthier food.

The last couple of days has been relatively mild, except for this ridiculous fight I am involved in. A good friend of 12 years went ballistic over things she deliberately assume was happening (like always). But its only now that all the pain and wound among all four of us over the years was sliced open and forced us to finally spill lots of ugly truth. While three of us are pretty much ready and are aware for bitchy moments, apparently one of us just couldn’t bear the harsh truth and went playing the victim (as I suspected) and blame everybody and every single thing that happened in her life. So classic of her. However, what surprises me is how little I care now. Even when she threatened not to be friends anymore, even when she curses us, our family and our loved ones. I know, she is frustrated. But, for the first time in twelve years, I couldn’t be bothered taking time to console her frustration.

Now I couldn’t help but sitting here and think:  Maybe its true that love is conditional and mortal.

I try to picture a girl
Through a looking glass
See her as a carbon atom
See her eyes and stare back at them
See that girl
As her own new world
Though a home is on the surface, she is still a universe

Glory God, oh God is peeking through the blinds
Are we all here standing naked
Taking guesses at the actual date and time
Oh my, justifying reasons why
Is an absolutely insane resolution to live by

Live high
Live mighty
Live righteously
Takin it easy
Live high, live mighty
Live righteously

I try to picture the man
To always have an open hand
See him as a giving tree
See him as matter
Matter fact he’s not a beast
No not the devil either
Always a good deed doer
Where it’s laughter that we’re makin after all

The call of the wild is still an ordination why
And the order of the primates
All our politics are too late
Oh my, the congregation in my mind
Is this assembly singing gratitude
In practicing their loving of you

Just take it easy
And celebrate the malleable reality
Nothing is ever as it seems
This life is but a dream

lyrics by jason mraz