just tell me what to do

You know what, I am tired, tired of telling myself what to do. I don’t want to think, I don’t want to consider, I don’t want to worry. Please, just tell me what to do with myself.

oh how I want thee winter..

Every single time I tried to write about my ‘relationship’ I always stop before I could finish any sentence. for instance: So, I met him about 8 months ago comma. And that is only as far as I could go. I’m a girl, I should be able to finish the sentence, its what girls do. Maybe I am just masculine that way, I put my head into sand and said to my self that things are alright just the way it is. But are things really alright?

Honesty is easier said than done. Truth be told, I have no clue. And having no clue seems to be the theme of my life recently. I have no clue on what I want. If you think that’s bad, try this one, I couldn’t care less about knowing. However, ignorance is dull and so does honesty. How fucked up is that?

Singapore’s weather sucks big time. I want to go away to a winter wonderland. I despise the sun here.

a weak runner

I see my self as a weak runner since as long as I can remember. Weak because, I’m horrible in pacing and most of the time felt intimidated by any sort of competitions. Weak because, physically I do have a weak knee that sorts of run in the family (father side).

I just turn 24 last Thursday. No celebration, I didn’t get drunk as I planned to and no gifts apparently. Sad, huh? Yeah, it is sad, but life’s goes on, fair enough.  As I don’t really linger much, I tried to take some time to contemplate about things, the usual stuff : Life, Love, Dreams. Interestingly enough, as I lay on the bed  today trying to figure out what is what and what is what not I felt that I am on the right path and there is really nothing to worry about. All I need to do is just carry on.

My thought was suddenly distracted towards JC. JC is the guy I’ve been consistently seeing for the past couple of months. And, knowing him makes me think that his Mother have really done a wonderful job in raising him. I don’t know his mother personally, but I really salute her. Raising a boy to be a man with common sense does not come easy. Your mother is a great human being JC. Bless her.

Alright, anyhow, I am currently in the last phase of this pursuit of master degree. I’ll be presenting next week. Wednesday. Interestingly enough, I feel nonchalant. EEK. What on earth is happening to me? I feel like I am running a race and I am now really close to the finish line, but I am already out of breath and couldn’t push myself any further (or, rather doesn’t want to). What is going on with me?

I hope tomorrow will be a better day. I have no choice but to finish this. After all I NEED to move on with my life.

10 things that always makes me feel better

1. Brushing my teeth.

2. Sitting or laying on the grass.

3. A museum visit on a quiet day.

4. A big big bear hug.

5. Cleaning the room and doing laundry.

6. Beaches.

7. Heights.

8. Swimming.

9. Spicy foods.

10. Traveling.

ever felt like…

everything is just a big joke, yet you are not laughing?

reality check: there is a strong possibility that you took things way to seriously.